Rated PG-13 for fantasy violence and action, some language and brief sexuality.
Towards the dawn of humanity, a race of immortal, superhuman beings known as Eternals (Salma Hayek, Gemma Chan, Richard Madden, Kumail Nanjiani, Lia McHugh, Brian Tyree Henry, Lauren Ridloff, Barry Keoghan, Don Lee, and Angelina Jolie) have protected Earth. They were originally sent there to protect humans from evil creatures known as the Deviants, who would stop at nothing to wipe out our species. After centuries of fighting them, they eventually managed to wipe them out. They then went their separate ways, finding many different ways to integrate into the society they fought to protect. Flash forward to five years after Thanos wiped out half the universe. After the Avengers managed to bring everyone back, the Deviants have somehow made a reappearance. The Eternals will have to reunite in order to save humanity from their wrath once again. This is one of the few times that Marvel seems semi-interested in trying something new. Eternals is much more ambitious than their previous films, both in story and general scale. The film attempts to tackle big subjects such as the nature of religion and the current state of human society. Unfortunately, it isn’t long into the film that the irritating truth comes out. Eternals is just another Marvel movie, despite flashes of something different. Its constant struggle between trying to be something fresh and still sticking with the franchise’s formula makes for probably the weakest and most frustrating entry in the series. It’s clear that, no matter who they get to make their movies, that they’re not going to change. It’s becoming depressing how many talented indie filmmakers are willing to abandon their personal styles just for a bit of that Marvel money. Chloé Zhao was fully deserving of best director for her work on Nomadland. She certainly has the chops to tackle massive subjects like this. However, turns out a superhero movie isn’t the right genre for her to do this. Her style suits more for dramas rather than action films. Her directing of the action scenes is very pedestrian. They also don’t go well with her particular cinematography style. She relies heavily on natural lighting, which Marvel allows her to use here. But this makes many of the film’s bigger moments really hard to see. One action scene in particular, set in the Amazon at night, just looks like a bunch of blue, CGI blurs with occasional blasts of yellow light. Other than the visual style, there’s nothing that represents Zhao’s style that makes her such a great writer and director. The screenplay is the same exposition-filled trash with many unnecessary jokes thrown in for no reason. The actors and actresses all look like they’re just collecting checks. There’s absolutely nothing remarkable about this film whatsoever, made worse by the fact that there’s pretty much nothing remarkable about any movie made by the studio, especially in this post-Endgame era. At this point, all their movies are starting to run together, and watching them feels more like the household chores you never wanted to do as a kid. They all end up being the same mediocre products over and over again. And now, with the franchise expanding into multiple TV shows and even more movies, I don’t want to devote anymore time to trying to keep up with Kevin Feige’s horribly complicated plan. That’s why Eternals will be the last of any Marvel adaptation that I will cover on this site. That’s it. Marvel, you have run me through the wringer for the last time. I’m sick and tired of trying to keep up with your overly-convoluted universe that has expanded way beyond the realm of comprehension. I no longer get any joy out of watching your movies, and I would prefer spending my time at the theater watching something I’ll actually enjoy. I’m done.
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